I am so excited about all I see God doing in my life, my family's life, the church, my friends, and our youth group. It is clear to me that God is calling and wanting to use young people to save this city. I want to jump up and down as I write this. I see young people stepping up and I am so luck to be a part of it.
On Sunday August 22, Pastor Sam met with a few of us college leaders and it was rad. He challenged us in a few ways. First to write down our standards, then to not tell one little lie or to exaggerate anything and if we do, apologize right away and set things right. When he said that, I wondered how many times I would fail! So, that night I prayed and ask God to help Him flow out of me. Help me to not exaggerate or tell little fibbers. Well, God is so faithful. He is so amazing. I only exaggerated twice! niiiice!
As God began to lay standards for me on my heart I wrote them down. God is challenging me to step up to the next level of obedience. Yes, faith and spiritual gifts is great. However, as we grow in our talents and gifts, I believe God calls us to live deeper and more intimate with Him. Sin has to go, so God begins to cut away the areas of our life that block Him. It can be painful, but the outcome is so exciting, so beautiful. I will never regret when it hurts to be closer to God, because His love never fails and His joy is perfect.
I found myself taking a walk this last Sunday. The pain of some old issues in my life had surfaced. Ones that were too much to handle. I felt like I would drown from the pain I felt. I turned on God. Told Him that I don't like the way things are playing out in His plan. That lasted five minutes before I was crying and apologizing and on my knees to have Him. I know I need Him so desperately. Well, I walked to the park and just laid on a bench and cried. I told God everything I was feeling and hurting. I needed Him so much and I knew He was with me.
As I lay there I felt the Holy Spirit stirring and moving. I felt God tell me, "Mary do you see the tree?"
"Yes, God, I see the tree."
"Mary, do you see the leaves on the tree?"
"Yes, God I see the tree, so yes, I see the leaves." (where is He going with this??)
"Do you see the wind blowing the trees?"
HUGE SIGH! "Yes, God, I see the wind blowing them."
"Now, watch one leaf, how the wind blows it."
I watched one leaf as the wind jerked it and twisted it and blew it. I wondered how it could even stay connected to the tree!
"Mary, I see every movement of that leaf and all the other leaves. I see you, I see where you are. I see every little jerk and twist in your life. I see you on this bench, and I see the pain inside. I am working everything out. Don't worry. I have you covered."
This produced even more tears. God loves us so much. We forget He does when life gets difficult. We assume God isn't paying attention. We think He is sitting on His huge throne eating bon-bons, but He is so close and so attentive to every detail. Let's remember He lives inside of us and goes with us, feels with us, and celebrates with us. We haven't been left alone, we have been given a friend that's closer than a brother. I am so amazed by how involved God really is. As I open my eyes I can see His fingerprints on different people. Let's draw closer, step up our obedience, and live like we believe God is here.
-Mary
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